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Night Terrors

January 12, 2011

This Saturday marks my first outing in search of a wedding dress, and I’m both excited and anxious. I’m foregoing the ooh- and ahh-ntourage of friends and family and simply bringing my mother, who also happens to be one of my best friends and whom I know will be honest with me (She also knows how to handle my occasional freak-outs with a skill and calmness that I can only hope to one day master).

Despite my excitement, I’ve been having night terrors about my impending try-on-a-thon. The first happened a couple weeks ago. In this dream, I arrived at the first shop, and the saleswoman brought out a dress that couldn’t have been further from my style. I kindly told her I was looking for something different, and she replied, “This is all we have for you. If you can’t make it work, you won’t have a dress.” I looked to my mother, only to find she was nodding and agreeing.

In the second, I arrive late to each of my appointments, due to reasons beyond my control, and am thus placed on those stores’ bridal blacklists. Subsequently, every other boutique I try to enter kicks me out.

Okay, silly and somewhat deranged? Yes. But also interesting, because these dreams are pointing to something deeper—I’m apparently more nervous than I’m allowing myself to admit. As I mentioned in my previous post, I’ve recently gained some weight, and I’m not exactly comfortable in my body. The thought of a. a total stranger stripping me down and putting me into dress after dress and b. being forced to examine myself in a mirror over and over from all angles is freaking me out a little.

I’m trying not to think about it and reminding myself that these salespeople see thousands of different body types over the course of the year, so they probably can’t even discern one from the next. As for me, perhaps I’ll find the perfect dress and become so blinded by its beauty that I won’t even have the chance to hone in on my problem areas. A girl can dream, right?


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